My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
