What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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