You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
