You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
