I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
