That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
