By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
