1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
