I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
