Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
