i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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