peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
