I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
