he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
