You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
