Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
