At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
