I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
