Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize