if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize