I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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