I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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