i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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