Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Randomize
