the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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