Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
