It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
