My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
