i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
