Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
