Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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