He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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