currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
