An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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