We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
