it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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