I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
