Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
In America we eat man semen.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize