Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I have post one night stand depression
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
