1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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