i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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