small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize