Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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