I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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