it hurts more in the daytime
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
