I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
