I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
