I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
