I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
