believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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