We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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