In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
