No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
