it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I need water and some morals
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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