oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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