Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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