I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
