if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize