you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the day after is always just damage control
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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