you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize