I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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