it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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