I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize