Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize