i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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