Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
