they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
