This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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