Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
