adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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