I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize
